"With advice this bad, you have to give it away!!!"

**************Results after Week XIV*************

****Week Fourteen Results****

Picked 6 out of 9 winners (Straight up) 66.67%
Picked 4 out of 9 winners (Against the Spread) 44.44%

****YTD Results****
Picked 94 out of 112 winners (Straight up) 83.93%
Picked 67 out of 111 winners (Against the Spread) 60.36%

Friday, December 6, 2013

#5 Missouri Tigers (2 pt DOG) @ #3 Auburn Tigers….

TIGERS WIN,,,,,,, TIGERS WIN,,,,,,,, TIGERS WIN!!!!......Well, which group (or pride) of Tigers are we talking about???.....Well, first off-----Tigers don’t run in prides or groups!!!.….That would be Lions!!! Tigers don’t mingle or hang out with other Tigers…..Basically; they’re solitary creatures and try to avoid each other for the most part!!!…. On the contrary, this Saturday they won’t be able to avoid each other!!!….Expect these two big Kats to fight until the death….The Stakes are high and the winner takes it all-----The SEC Championship!!!...Auburn basically has two 1,000 yard rushers in the backfield with QB Nick Marshall and RB Tre Mason….Then mix in Auburn’s defense and Marshall’s passing and you got a deadly combination…..Missouri on the other hand, has it all!!!! A 1,000 rusher named Henry Josey “Wales”, a 2,000 yard passer named “Benjamin” James Franklin and the SEC sack leader Michael “Surface Air Missile” S.A.M., I am!!!....Both teams were awesome against the Vegas spread this year….In fact, if you had bet on Missouri and Auburn every week this year you would have won 20 out of 24 games…Bottom-line for me, Auburn has had to depend on luck to get them to Atlanta and I think this week their luck runs out….Missouri wins straight up and puts the Vegas points in their pocket 31-24!!!

Friday, November 29, 2013

#2 Florida State Seminoles (27 pt FAV) @ Florida Gators….

Raise your tomahawks in the air and wave em around like u just don’t care!!!... Tomahawk chop chop chop!!!!....... Tomahawk chop chop chop!!!!.......... Tomahawk chop chop chop!!!!

Ohhhhhh, oh oh-uh-uh ohhhhh


Oh-uh-uh-ohhhhh............etc. etc. etc…..

Seminoles QB Jameis Winston might be facing another rape charge after this game……With a Heisman and National Championship on the line expect Mr. Winston’s Gatorade to be spiked with Spanish fly, Viagra and some type of Low-T drug!!!...........(Compliments of Coach Jimbo Fisher’s own secret recipe!!!) I fully expect Jameis to rip off, take off, and get off on the Gator defense all day long!!!!.....In fact, after this game QB Jameis Winston may not be allowed within a 500 yards of Ben Hill Griffin Stadium!!!!! The game will start to look like a circus after halftime……………...Speaking of circus, every time Florida’s offense walks onto the field you should start to hear circus music as the clowns start to perform!!! Bottom-line, Florida is facing a drug problem this Saturday-------------yup!!!..............A drug problem!!! The Gainesville newspapers will headline Sunday morning:

“SEMINOLES DRUG THE GATORS UP-N-DOWN THE FIELD BY THEIR TAILS!!!”.......Seminoles win and cover 45-14!!!

Wake Forest Demon Deacons (14 pt DOG) @ Vanderbilt Commodores….

Someone forgot to tell the Demon Deacons they were supposed to lose last week when they played Duke!!!!……..I’m glad ole David Cutcliffe got the win but it was a super close game that never should have been!!!…..This week, Coach James Franklin will have no problem reminding the Demon Deacons that they are supposed to lose!!!..... Seniors RB Austyn Carta-Samuels, RB Wesley Tate, WR Jordan Matthews and WR Jonathan Krause have all been a huge part of something very special at Vanderbilt….Vanderbilt had never had back-to-back bowl games(this year makes 3 in-a-row!!!)…..Never has Vandy had back-to-back 9 win seasons, in fact, the only prior year they had 9 wins ever dating back to 1890 was back in 1915………….So, win this game, win their bowl game and make history again!!!..... Vandy was the whipping child for many, many years plus everyone’s homecoming-----That was the Vandy of old!!!!……….Everybody loves the underdog (including me) and it’s great to see this DOG have his day in the sun!!!!........These Seniors will not be denied!!!….Commodores win and 33-17!!!

1 Alabama Crimson Tide (10.5 pt FAV) @ #4 Auburn Tigers….

This game is going to be “part one” of a three part trilogy of the National Championship!!!!

Volume 1------The Iron Bowl Champ

Volume 2------The SEC Champ

And lastly, Volume 3---------The National Champion!!!

Bo Jackson Enterprises, Inc will be the host of this year’s main event which welcomes Bear Bryant and Company LLC to Jordan-Hare Stadium!!!.....(FYI - There really is a Bo Jackson Enterprises, Inc…loll)….We very well might be watching the national championship game this weekend at Jordan-Hare Stadium.

Here’s what’s on the line for the Tide----If AJ McCarron can win here and next week in impressive fashion; he probably wins the Heisman Trophy plus brings home Alabama’s “First Ever” three-peat National Championship!!!....If the Tigers win this Saturday, fans from Dothan to Killen will soon gather together to erect a golden calf name “GUS” and then place it at the altar of the church of Jordan-Hare!

Offensively these teams are close but I have to give the edge to Alabama’s defense….Will playing at Auburn make a difference….yes----but only on the spread!!!….The Tide wins but does not cover 24-14!!!

Georgia Bulldogs (3 pt FAV) @ Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets….

Float like a butterfly and sting like a Bee, Yellow Jackets swarming just far as you can see!!!.....That’s what I see when I look towards Atlanta!!!.....Some Georgia fans worry that their Bulldogs can’t be and won’t be two dimensional without QB Aaron Murray in the lineup!!!!…..Well folks, you heard it here first, the Bulldogs will, in fact, still be a two dimensional team going into this game!!!……Basically, it will look like this; Todd Gurley right and Todd Gurley left!!!!..........lollll………….Ok, Georgia’s in trouble!!!! Georgia Tech’s only losses this year come from teams that have QBs that are capable of putting up huge passing numbers!!! The only exception was a loss to Virginia Tech which has a TOP TEN nationally ranked defense!!!....Every run dominant team that the Yellow Jackets faced this year, were beaten handedly!!! Yellow Jackets win and pocket the Vegas points 35-28!!!

Tennessee Volunteers (4 pt FAV) @ Kentucky Wildcats….

Just in case you were wondering my loyal Kentucky Football Fans--------The men’s basketball team is now 6-1!!!!.....()………Ok, somebody has to win this football game ------right???........ Well, with these two teams, there’s a good chance that both teams could lose!!!......lolll……...I can’t beat up the Volunteers too bad because they did upset South Carolina this year, they did have a 1,000 yard rusher and they did have Vanderbilt beat last weekend but gave it away with 16 seconds left in the game!!! The Wildcats, on the other hand, manage to scare a few teams but really, the only thing that the Wildcats were able to upset this year was Coach Stoops’s stomach!!!!...Coach Stoops, my advice to you for next year--------NEXIUM!!!.........VOLs win and cover 27-21!!!

#6 Clemson Tigers (4 pt DOG) @ #10 South Carolina Gamecocks….

Clemson fans; South Carolina has just went “back2back” x2 on you!!!!......If QB Tajh Boyd doesn’t win this weekend he will go down in history as the losingest QBs to have ever played at Clemson despite the fact that he’s one of the winningest QBs to ever play at Clemson!!!…..South Carolina has never-EVER won 5 in-a-row against rival Clemson!!!…..More than just rivalry history is on the line for the Gamecocks this weekend----If Johnny Football can knock off Missouri then the Gamecocks have a date in Atlanta with Dick Satan and his team of Demon Elephants from “Tusk-aloosa”……….Should be a great game!!! QB Tajh Boyd has been awesome this year plus he just went over 3,000 yards passing for the third straight year------and QB Conner Shaw should surpass 2,000 yards passing for the first time in his career at Carolina!!!...........15 straight home wins, the Terminator playing quarterback and there’s a reason that JC is a NFL first round draft pick!!!.........These are my reasons for these two team’s seasons!!!.....Cocks win and cover 35-28!!!

#21 Texas A&M Aggies (4 pt DOG) @ #5 Missouri Tigers…..

Johnny Football come lately, the new kid in town

everybody loves you, so don't let them down!!!……The EAGLES ROCK!!!!!….Anyway, did Johnny Football let you down last weekend and did he lose his Heisman trophy last weekend???..... Johnny Football has two chances to win a Heisman, slim and none, and slim just caught a bus T-town!!!….If AJ loses to Auburn or loses in the SEC Championship game it puts the Heisman Trophy in the hands of Florida State’s QB Jameis Winston----If Winston struggles against Florida or get indicted on a possible pending rape charge then, Johnny Football has a chance.

Bottom-line: If Texas A&M wins……

If Johnny Football wins in impressive fashion he keeps his Heisman Hopes alive plus it likely places his team in the Cotton Bowl to take on the Baylor Bears!!!!…In addition, if A&M wins it automatically places the South Carolina Gamecocks into the SEC Champion game in Atlanta!!!!

Bottom-line: If the Missouri Tigers win….

If Mizzou wins they play for an SEC Champion in Atlanta….If they win the SEC Championship, they are playing for a National Championship!!!..........................Tigers win but do not cover 45-42!!!

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Ole Miss Rebels (3 pt FAV) @ Mississippi State Bulldogs….

It's the story
Of a Man name Dan
Who was bringing up three very timely QBs
All of them had helmets of gold, like their brothers,..
The youngest one might freeze!!!

Here's the story
Of a man named Hugh
Who was busy with three stars of his own
They were 4 Rebels
Playing all together
Despite they weren’t homegrown…

Then one day when Dan met this fellow
And he knew that his Bulldogs had more than a punch
That this team might somehow find a victory
That´s the way they all became the Bulldog Crunch.
The Bulldog Crunch,
The Bulldog Crunch,
That's the way they became the Bulldog Crunch.

Ok, back to realty….If Dak is out and Tyler is out then I think we all know what the most likely outcome in this game will be!!!!…..On paper the Rebels should win the game but it is a rivalry game which muddies the water!!!….The only way the Bulldogs can beat Ole Miss is if the defense holds Ole Miss to 14 points or less….The Bulldogs “WILL NOT” win if they get into a shootout with Bo Wallace with freshman QB Damian Williams under center …..The Bulldog’s Gold Chrome Domes will be shining at Scott Field on Thanksgiving night in Stark-Vegas but it doesn’t negate the fact that the Bulldogs are starting an inexperienced freshman QB….Rebels win and cover 24-14!!! (And for the record, I hope I’m completely wrong!!!)

Arkansas Razorbacks (25 pt DOG) @ #17 LSU Tigers….

“Less” Miles, the most hated man in Baton Rouge!!!.....Sorry LSU fan, you can’t get rid of Les because he keeps on winning!!!.....(You poor thing)..... Arkansas’s Bret Bielema is only a cheeseburger shy of matching the glory years of Coach Jack Crowe!!!....(That 3-9 record awaits you----Ouch!).....The Razorback for some strange reason give the Bayou Bengals fits…..The 4-8 Razorbacks last year came within a touchdown of upsetting 10-2 LSU….That will not be the case this year…Despite how bad things were at Arkansas last year it did not remove the fact that they still had an NFL caliber QB, by the name Tyler Wilson, reading the defenses and pulling the trigger!!!!…. (He’s now an Oakland Raider, just in case you were wondering!!!) Tyler Wilson had a career day with over 359 yards passing--------Don’t expect that same performance from Arkansas’s QB Brandon Allen!!!…But, you can expect LSU’s QB Zach Mettenberger to have a career day!!! Zach is just shy of 3,000 yards for the season which would be his best year at LSU….Expect him to be on fire this game!!!……..In fact, there’s a good chance that the scoreboard catches on fire too!!!...........Bayou Bengals win and cover 42-14!!!

Friday, November 22, 2013

Game Schedule Nov. 23rd Central Times

Game Schedule    Time      TV     XM    Sirius

Miss ST @ Ark    11:00    SECTV   196    134
Coastal @ S Car  12:00    ppv     200     93
Chatt @ Alabama   1:00    ppv     201    117
GA. SO @ Florida  1:00    ppv     198    128
T.A&M @ LSU       2:30    CBS      91     91
KY @ Georgia      6:00    ESPNU   200     93
Vandy @ Tenn      6:00    ESPN2   199    128
Mizzou @ Ole Miss 6:45    ESPN     85     85     

Mississippi State Bulldogs (1.5 pt FAV) @ Arkansas Razorbacks….

Bulldog fans came within a gnat’s ass of trading in them old 1980’s “MSU 6 - Bama 3” t-shirts for a brand new t-shirt that reads “MSU 21- Bama 20”!!!....Bully put up a hellva fight but in the end Dan Mullen had to break out his pooper scooper; bag it, trash it and move on!!!…..Here’s the percentage breakdown on this week’s game: If QB Dak Prescott can play at 80% (elbow) then the Bulldogs have about 75% of winning this game…..If QB Tyler Russell can play at 80% (shoulder/arm) then the Bulldogs have about 50% of winning this game…..and if the third string QB Damian Williams has to play at 80%(knee) then the Bulldogs have about 25% of winning this game!!!.....Now, if you’re a Razorbacks fan then it’s real simple; Offensively the Razorbacks have to establish the run with Collins, Williams and/or Marshall in order to create big-easy-open passing lanes for QB Brandon Allen….And on the defensive side of the ball, all the Hawgs really need to do to stop the Bulldogs is to stop their passing game. Without Dak Prescott in the line up the Bulldogs become too one dimensional…I think Dak Prescott will “NOT” be able to play this weekend but Tyler Russell will be able to play!!!......Bulldogs win and cover 28-24!!!

Coastal Carolina Chanticleers (34.5 pt DOG) @ #11 South Carolina Gamecocks….

First off I would like to give a shout out to Carolina’s kicker, Elliott Fry, for winning the game last week against the Gators….The 145 pound soaking-wet kicker took over in the fourth quarter by hitting a 22 and 43 yard field goal to win the game….Fry may be small and can only bench press the “bar” but he‘s definitely this week’s “BMOC” (Big Man On Campus!!!)……………Now, on to this week’s matchup!!!!
If KFC’s Colonel Sanders were alive-n-kicking today he would be headin’ to Williams-Brice Stadium to watch this game!!!(No pun intended)……Coastal Carolina is 10-1 and South Carolina is 8-2!!!….And just for the record, a chanticleer is a fancy, literary name for a rooster….And a Gamecock is, basically, a fancy way of saying; “tough-ass” killer cock that ain‘t chicken!!!……Speaking of “tough-ass” cock, South Carolina has one of the toughest Cocks around and he goes by the name Colonel Shaw, I mean Conner Shaw!!!….And when Conner Sanders, I mean Conner Shaw has his offense “shaking-n-baking”; it feels like all them "Eleven Herbs and Spices "on the field can’t be beat!....Lastly, I don’t want to seem too Cocky about this Carolina defense but I think they’re good enough to force this 10-1 Coastal Carolina team into laying a goose egg!!!(Or a Chanticleer egg, if you prefer!!!) Gamecocks win and cover 42-0!!!

Georgia Southern Eagles (27.5 pt DOG) @ Florida Gators….Them Florida Gators

chewed-n-chomped on Carolina’s Cocks pretty good last weekend!!!!…….I bet all them trainers at South Carolina were busy this week washing socks and icing Cocks!!!…..Last weekend, the Gators almost ended South Carolina’s home game winning streak at Williams-Brice Stadium along with any hopes of an SEC title.….The Gators completely stopped the running game of Davis & Shaw plus in the first half the Gators bite off one of Conner Shaw’s arms so he couldn‘t pass in the second half!!!!…..But, being true to form, the Terminator, CONNERS, SARAH CONNERS??? CONNER, Conner Shaw, grew back his arm during halftime, just in time, to throw a 32yard TD strike to Bruce Ellington on the Gamecock’s opening drive in the second half!!!……And as they say---The rest is history!!!….The Gators showed a lot of heart last week despite a lack luster 4-6 season……….But, this week the Gators get a chance to be productive on the scoreboard against a weaker Southern Conf opponent!!!!..........The 6-4 Eagles, definitely, aren’t going to be a pushover but I do expect the Gator defense to find the endzone just as much as their offense this week! Gators win and cover 35-7!!!

Chattanooga Mocs (49 pt DOG) @ #1 Alabama Crimson Tide….

The “Mocs” formerly the “Moccasins” moved away from the Native American Indian imagery to a more menacing creature------The Mockingbird!!!.....yeaaaaaaaa, ok!!!.......The P.C. police strike again!!!
The only thing this bird from Chattanooga will be mocking this weekend is the Great Native American Hoot Owl!!!.... I can hear it now------Chattanooga’s secondary saying-------” Whoooo-Whoooo, who’s man was that that just scored?”…Or maybe it’s Chattanooga's linebackers’ saying---“Whoooo-Whoooo, Who just ran over me?”…....And of course, “To kill a Mockingbird” is, definitely, going to be a required reading for all the Bama players this week!!!!.....I fully expect everyone to make an A+ if they really really study hard!!!…..But, don’t be surprised if you see Little Nicky Saban passing around the cliff note version to his starters this week!!!…He needs them to be healthy as they can be before heading into Auburn to take on the Tigers in the 2013 Iron Bowl next week!!!....Bama’s offense played bad enough to lose last week against Miss State, but luckily for them the depleted Bulldog offense just couldn’t capitalize!!! Alabama’s offense will not struggle this week……Tide wins but does not cover 56-7!!!
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